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@Cali_Kid_Mike: "What's math?"
- people who give 110%
@touchmybobby: as a job-stealing immigrant, I now have 36 jobs and counting. I keep them in my basement like some kind of job dragon. what you gonna do
@delusions_of: While you were reading this Michael Bay just made five more "Transformer" movies.
@MomOnFire: So I said, “Why don’t you eat one of these fried cornbread balls,” and he said “hush puppie,” so I said, “You hush, you piece of shit,” and one thing led to another court date.
@Home_Halfway: MUGGER: *exasperated* Look dude. I'm NOT mad at you. I JUST want your money and your watch. That's it. We're totally okay, I promise.
ME: *wiping snot from my nose* ...okay, do you promise you aren't mad though
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: GF told me she wanted to write her "biography" & I said "autobiography" & now there's a chapter where I sleep at my place.