Before you unleash her inner goddess, try to find out if she’s channeling Aphrodite or Medusa.
What’s that movie about the girl who forgets Adam Sandler every day? I want to know her secret
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Her: It would really mean a lot to my mother if you came
Me *pulling out*: I know she wants grandkids but we’re not ready
Geese are too effing smart for my comfort level and frankly I don’t know why more folks aren’t alarmed. Geese are like cats only they can honk; oh and also they can fly. And they can fly in a spaceship formation; with collective grace that puts even the best Zumba class to shame.
At my age getting lucky means having the house to myself
Me: Don’t tell me what to do, ERIC!!!
(Me at an exercise class)
*sings Hungry Eyes to the rotisserie chicken rack at Costco*
*rap battles you for the last chicken nugget*
*Walks into school*
Simon says give me your Pokemon cards
Ok now close your eyes
Kids are so dumb I didn’t even say Simon says
Summer vacation would probably be a little more relaxing if these kids were vacationing somewhere else.
Gonna tell my kids this is how game of thrones ended