STOP talking shit about F•R•I•E•N•D•S
Rachel is KIND
Monica is NURTURING
Joey is CONSIDERATE
Phoebe is TALENTED
Chandler is FUNNY
when girls eat strawberries it’s like sexy and hot but when i eat an entire potato in one bite like a snake it’s weird???? ok
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Guys, I’m writing a Pixar Scrabble movie. It’s about a Blank Tile that feels pressure to choose a letter identity. It cost $350 million & if you don’t like it you’re a bad person.
It would be fun to be on a hockey team on a road trip just be a guy in constant pain who never graduated grade nine in a hotel trying to figure out how to plug your ps4 you packed in a suitcase into the tv
Jehovah’s witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
Them: Can you fix my computer while I am at lunch?
Me: You do know IT people eat food like other humans, right?
Leo: *names his child Oscar*
Doctor: “Would you like to hol-”
Leo: “Say it like we rehearsed it.”
Doctor: *sighs* “And the Oscar goes to…”
I don’t understand why everyone is so passionate about sports; it’s all just bullsh – HEY! YOU! NO! DARTH VADER DOES NOT HAVE A GREEN SABER!
*Draws happy eyebrows on my dog*
You look like a snack:
-not specific enough
-not enough affectionate noises
You look like a moose:
-a very cute moose
-make all the boy moose go HWAAAAH
LIFE HACK: Make your waist feel dramatically smaller by accidentally trying on maternity pants.