@torrami

When hubs is sleeping I put my Care Bear blanket on him and take the most adorable blackmail photos ever.

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@tastefactory

Try to imagine pugs living in the wild, just roaming in the forest in packs.

@SassyPantssss

I just tried to kill a spider with hairspray. He’s still alive, but his hair looks outstanding.

@raydred

Grampa: Hashtag, Cool glasses.

Me: Hashtags are a social media thing. You don’t have to say, hashtag

G: Hashtag, not my favorite grandson

@primawesome

Tommy Lee Jones always looks like his son just told him he wants to ride unicycles professionally.

@Aspersioncast

So what do you pack for the end of the world? I’m thinking lots of toilet paper, oh and guns to protect my toilet paper.

@Scorpio1080

I love it when the doctor’s office asks me if I’ve been out of the country like I’m super rich or have Ebola.

@Dschnoeb

I bet Egyptians were all like “Yo, nobody in history will ever worship and revere cats like we do” and then came the internet.

@MissSassy_Pants

The Avengers were horrified until they realized most of the people who disappeared when Thanos snapped his fingers were people who don’t realize turn signals exist.

@Reverend_Scott

And then God said, “Let there be Black Friday.” and he saw that it was a terrible idea but it was too late cuz people were already in line.

@GingerHotDish

Me: Alexa, make me a drink.

Her: Mom, that’s not my name and I think you’ve had enough.