I’m just a girl.
Standing in front of a girl.
Wondering how she got her eyeliner on so perfectly.
When I die I’m going to donate my body to the Humanities. I don’t want some STEMlords poking around inside my organs. I would much rather have a bunch of English majors & MFA candidates just sort of have at it & do what they see fit with my corpse. Lord knows they have so little.
You Might Also Like
DOCTOR: congratulations, it’s a boy! *holds up baby tricycle*
BICYCLE DAD: what the hell?
BICYCLE MOM: *crying*
When I use chopsticks it looks like I am trying to knit the sushi.
The best part of Halloween is all the Jehovah’s Witnesses wondering why they’re being given candy.
Well if you cant buy babys at Babys R Us what in the world do they sell?
Social distancing does not mean go chill at your friends house
“I’d like to get a trim.”
“There’s a bit of a wait.”
“Just kidding. Have a seat, Tom.”
One big plot hole in X-Men is that Wolverine is over 100 yrs old but there’s never been a point in history when that was a hairstyle.
Make fun of my long hair and I’ll ride past your girlfriend’s bedroom window on a stallion.
[at son’s Little League game]
ME: which one’s yours
OTHER MOM: the pitcher. You?
ME: the one performing Lord of the Dance in left field