“It’s just a shell… it’s just a shell… it’s just a shell.”
– my foot touching anything in the ocean.
When I say ditto after someone tells me they love me, it doesn’t mean I love them. It means I love me too.
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As an incredibly powerful, mostly evil, very attractive supernatural being, I have one weakness:
A female protagonist who has just turned sixteen and thinks there’s nothing special about her at all.
Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
Mother Earth: I’m not a regular mom. I’m a Cool Mom.
[humans pollute the atmosphere and destroy nature]
Earth: This is fine. I’m a Cool Mom
My mom found a Barbie Dreamhouse at a garage sale when I was a kid, but all the stickers were ripped off so I drew on appliances and wallpaper. Debbie, down the street, called it Barbie Crackhouse and now she wants to be my friend on Facebook? Ha!
Captain: prepare for landing
Me: roger that
C: reverse thrusters
M: sretsurht lol
*we smash full speed into the moon*
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming
calling your friend “brother from another mother” or “sister from another mister”
– kinda boring
– no gender neutral alternative
calling your friend “a clown from the same circus”
– grabs ur attention
– what circus? tell me more
– gender neutral
– bond like no other
Computer: Choose a password
Computer: Sorry, that password is too weak
Me: how was school?
Son: I cried today.
Me: oh that’s okay everyone cries.
Son: and I peed on my teacher.
Me: oh that’s okay buddy, I pee on people all the time.