@MartaEffing: When I'm with you, I'm breathless. My pulse quickens and I can feel my entire body getting hot. Also, you're a treadmill and I'm asthmatic.
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@realbjdunne: [visiting Hell as a tourist] Satan: good morning, how do you want your eggs Me: how bout *finger guns* deviled Satan: congratulations you get to stay here
@KentWGraham: The movie scene where discarded clothes lead to lovers in bed, except it’s my clothes leading to my wife picking them up and cursing me.
@itsa_talia: i know 99.9999% of you don't know anything about california area stereotypes but this is such a fullerton thing