@MartaEffing: When I'm with you, I'm breathless. My pulse quickens and I can feel my entire body getting hot. Also, you're a treadmill and I'm asthmatic.
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@just1fool: Apparently there's this Pokemon character that's a pile of garbage with a face so now I'm famous I guess.
@eric10F: "will you be paying with cash or credit?" "Cash" *start playing "ring of fire" on my kazoo *gets tackled by security*
@Roxtalled: Opening a Twitter account is like opening a bag of money after you rob a bank. You're happy until shit explodes in your face.