It takes a big man to admit his mistakes. It takes a bigger man to fix them. It takes an enormous man to close down a Chinese buffet. High-5
When my doctor first diagnosed me with overly inquisitive syndrome I had a lot of questions.
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COWORKER: u got like 8 hickeys. Mustve been a fun weekend haha
ME (remembering not to talk about octopus fight club): yea it got pretty wild
Me: Pikachu, I choose you!
Pikachu: The restraining order says 500 feet
My only fitness goal is to be able to lift an adult male, approximately the size of my husband, into the trunk of my car without help.
[Bleeding out from a polar bear attack]
Me: *Choking on my own blood* I loved you in those Coke commercials.
*walking into our new house*
ME: Whaddya say we christen our new home?
HER: *giggling* OK
*later, flinging holy water*
ME: GET OUT GHOSTS
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
You gotta hand it to him. Otherwise, we can’t finish this relay race.
Marriage means commitment. So does insanity.
After watching HGTV, my husband and I have decided to become dog walkers so we can increase our house hunting budget to 4 million.