The people who came up with all these different rules for pluralization are bunch of peni.
When my friend broke up with her boyfriend, I was right there with donuts, telling her she was better off sans the idiot.
In a SURPRISING TURN OF EVENTS THAT NOBODY SAW COMING, they got back together and now I’m not welcome in their home.
Lesson learned. No donuts next time.
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You guys ever smear fake blood on your mouth, put on a ripped shirt, go in somewhere and pretend you got mugged? PEOPLE ARE SO NICE!
Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Because I’m pretty?
Me: Because I’m on Twitter?
Me: Officer I can do this all day
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she’ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep…….
A bride just said “today I’m marrying my best friend” it’s like hey great choice, because marrying your mortal enemy seems risky & dangerous
ME (working in a bank): Ugh I am so tired today
ROBBER: EVERYONE ON THE GROUND & DO NOT MOVE
ME [blowing up neck pillow] I could kiss you
*cactus hasn’t died in a year*
*adds botanist to resumé*
Beer before liquor never been sicker. Taco Bell before wine no 69