HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
When pigs fly they will have the most delicious wings.
You Might Also Like
“Snitches get stitches,” I whisper to my 3 year old as he watches me brush Oreo crumbs from the bed sheets.
Was your teacher drunk when he made your multiple choice test?
%) I love you guys
“…until death do us part.”
*looks at minister*
“What about a Walking Dead situation where she’s a zombie? Then I can bang other chicks?”
I haven’t been the same since my mom gave birth to me.
Those of you who believe everything you read on the internet probably also believe there’s hot local singles in your area.
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches”
I’m never asking anyone out on a date again
Got a case for my iPhone even though the screen is already cracked. So basically it’s like putting a condom on my kid’s head.