@lucascomedian: When pigs fly they will have the most delicious wings.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@3sunzzz: Sorry I'm late. I had trouble getting my hedgehog into her sweater vest. She was being a little prick.
@In_Twittaland: No YOU tried to pet the albino skunk that wandered up from the woods. Related: Never go outside w/out contacts and YES I need a shower.
@Dad_in_Brief: It says “Keep away from children” on the bottle of my anxiety pills. If I had taken that advice, I wouldn’t need the pills.