If at first you don’t succeed, it’s called ‘Attempted’ Murder.
When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first.
And that tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
You Might Also Like
I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they’re hatching some kind of evil plan.
just got vinegar in my eye so I totally get it, girls who get vinegar in their eye
“How was your day mom?” is teenager for I need something that costs money.
I’m starting a Kickstarter to bring a lion from Africa and let it loose in a dentist’s office.
Dating tip: if you want a girl to hold you tight, start pushing her off a cliff.
“Then we are agreed: we shall have a duel to the death at sunrise. And if I oversleep you will start without me.”
The biggest lie in advertising is someone taking a bite of a hard shell taco & it not immediately exploding in their hands.
i was going to get married, but
my wife refuses to sign the
Hate flying? Try American Airlines. They do too.