@Jam453Lane

When someone uses the bathroom and asks about the wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don’t invite people to my house.

You Might Also Like

@KizerBillhelm

HR says I’m not allowed to scream “OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP” when I walk through the front door at work anymore 🙁

@UnFitz

Her: You secretly think you’re smarter than everyone else, don’t you.
Me: Secretly? No.

@JanelSantaCruz

Shoutout to Batman for being a true American and proving the only superpower you need is money.

@animaldrumss

moron: “duhh, i hate taco bell, every time i go there i get diarrhea”
me: try getting tacos instead, genius

@mortimermaiden

me: *hanging back a bit while out with friends*
friends: that guy has followed us to 3 bars.

@tarrynklaudia_x

If there’s enough room to spell ‘bootylicious’ on the back of your shorts, it probably isn’t.

@Average_Dad1

These life hack videos are getting out of control like no I don’t want to make a life jacket out of an old peanut butter sandwich