For the past 2 nights my stomach sounds like cat purring when I lay down. I’m terrified to Web MD this. I’m too young to have kittens.
When Sting dies I’m calling him Stung.
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neil armstrong: i’ll take that for you
neil armweak: can you carry this?
Darth Vader: *kazoo noise*
Moff Tarkin: Someone put a kazoo in your face mask again while you were sleeping?
Darth Vader: *sad kazoo noise*
Nintendo say they are protecting children from inappropriate language online by making their voice chat app so bad that nobody will use it
My therapist says it’s ok for me to cry in public as long as I wear clothes
*making a phone call* please don’t pick up please don’t pick up
911 operator: 911, what is your emergency?
pretty messed up how “what are you weaknesses” is an acceptable question in job interviews but not on first dates
I’ve kept my tamagotchi alive for the past 15 years, so yeah Mom, I know what it’s like to raise an “ungrateful little prick”
[a movie on dvd]
ugh, i’ve seen that a million times
[the same movie on tv with commercials]
OOH, IT’S JUST STARTING