@schumyxxx: When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for two?", I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see her too?".
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@elle91: Me: I just feel really sad and helpless. It's like nothing I do can make things better. Brain: Have you tried eating an entire sheet of brownies about it? Me: What? Brain: Eat brownies about it. Me: [Pre-heating the oven] makes sense.
@Chumpstring: genie: you have three wishes me: i want 1000 ants to protect me genie: you got it me: psychic ants genie: uh ok me: make them as big as a blue whale genie: dude what’s wrong with you
@Brampersandon_: First time flying huh? -Yeah how could you tell? Just a hunch. You wanna come down to your seat? The overhead bin is typically for luggage.
@GrandadJFreeman: In 1911: Dracula used to drink virgin girls blood ... In 2012: he died of hunger.