@StephenAtHome

When we do get this coronavirus vaccine, it better not just be cake.

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@XplodingUnicorn

I accidentally dripped some mustard on my newborn daughter’s forehead and long story short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick the baby.

@MarcusTheToken

I am really shocked that there is not a website devoted solely to the most clever Wi-Fi names of all-time.

@HatfieldAnne

Mother of God, the man solved unsolvable crimes for eight straight seasons. When he says he has a hunch, believe him the first time.

@BoozyMusic

My new cat, John Cena, wants me to remind y’all to never let your kids name your pets.

@aedison

We’ve all been talking about your paranoia.

@MrSpoonicorn

*sits gf down*
i am about to ask you a big question. if you dont know the answer then thats ok… *clears throat* where is the space jam dvd