me: I forgot my line
movie director: I really regret bringing you on this fishing trip
When ya leave Twitter it’s called twittercide.
What about Instagram?
Instagramicide? IGicide? Instacide? Gramicide? Instadead? Instagone?
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Write a suicide note on Facebook and they try to talk you out of it.
Write a suicide note on Twitter and they correct your grammar.
Me: Oh my god, that cat is adorable! She’s the cutest kitty I’ve ever seen!
Cat: I just want to be friends.
So, Tim Cook came out of the cloud?
I’m just a girl, standing in my kitchen, forgetting what I came in here for.
I like ordering delivery pizza from two different locations as a race. I prize myself as the winner with two pizzas.
“At least Donald Trump says what he thinks.”
Ah yes if only all racists would shout about it constantly the world would be a better place.
If you love someone, set them on fire. If they come back, it’s a phoenix
I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
Why is it called “Alien vs Predator”? Isn’t predator an alien too? They should’ve just called it “Some Aliens”