@garrettbarry70: If by mathematician you mean dividing the number of snacks in my car by the number of miles I need to drive, then yes, I'm a mathematician.

@panmidwest: me: i will have the chicken parmesan waiter: actually the kitchen has run out of parmesan—i’m very sorry, sir me: no parm, no fowl

@ikpsgill1: Your fav movie? My brain: Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Me: It

@lilgapeach30: If I had a dollar for every time I heard "grow up!" I could buy a seriously awesome security system to keep doody heads out of my fort.

@ArfMeasures: Flight attendant: The pilot has had a heart attack! So who can fly the plane?? Me: omg *nudges wife* I love riddles