BATMAN: Who the hell are you?
MANBAT: Who the hell are YOU?
BATMAN: I’m Batman. A man who dresses like a bat.
MANBAT: I’m Manbat. A bat who dresses like a man.
BATBAT: Who the hell are you two?
When you marry someone with the same sense of humor as yours you have to deal with the consequences, like when I asked my wife to put on an outfit I haven’t seen yet and she walks out in my gym clothes.
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Me: The bathroom
Me: I was about to get off the couch and just wanted to stop you before you asked where I was going.
Bruce Willis is relaxing by his pool. he’s got so much sunscreen on that he slowly slides off his lounger, out of the gate & down the road
A community gardening co-op called Weed ‘em & Reap
Me: We have communication issues, trust issues and she’s passive aggressive
*Therapist slowly turns to the other chair and looks at the GPS*
Mom told me to quit calling the postman a mail escort.
*unexpected snow fall*
Americans: “It’s the end. The apocalypse is here!”
Canadians: “Huh…I might need a jacket”
*snorting spilled coffee grounds off the dirty floor* I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM
I woke up in the middle of the night to jot down this million dollar idea
(getting into a hot tub full of people) i guess we’re making some people soup huh gang