@NoogsCorner

When your partner cheats on you, do what every respectable person does. Post their name and phone number on 4Chan.

When your partner cheats on you, do what every respectable person does. Post their name and phone number on 4Chan.

- @NoogsCorner

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@3sunzzz

Walmart: Did you find everything you were looking for?

Me: Well, I couldn’t find-

W: *finger to my lips* Shhh! I don’t actually care.

@TheIronSherk

I can’t believe how different life was before

*googles*

Al Gore invented the Internet

@TheCatWhisprer

Curling seems like the kind of game Mr. Miyagi would’ve made up to trick Daniel into cleaning his floors.

@AimeeHelene1

I haven’t ironed in 17 years, except for that emergency grilled cheese sandwich I made.

@neiltyson

Thought Experiment: Stand on a scale in an elevator. Cut the cable. You, the scale, and the elevator fall — scale reads zero

@Lhlodder

Sure kids cost roughly $14,000 annually, but think about all the money you save from no longer having a social life.