when you’re sick of dropping subtle hints to the guy you like and getting no where

You Might Also Like


I’ve walked all over this Hobby Lobby and still haven’t found the craft beers.


[Ghost describing stalker to sketch artist]
“He was a yellow circle with a demonic mouth.”
*holds up drawing of Pac-Man*
*sobs* THAT’S HIM!


In the Uk, 50 shades of Gray, isn’t a sexy book, it’s the weather report.


** Changes Facebook relationship status to “it’s complicated.”

My husband:


5yo: if superman & batman had a big fight, superman could throw him into space where he’d suffocate’. I’m raising a problem solver you guys.


It’s disappointing when you watch a high school basketball game and no one turns into a werewolf.


Fun fact: At the end of Titanic, when all the people are dying in the water, if you listen very closely, you can hear a faint, “Marco” and then an even fainter, “Polo.”


*Boyfriend gets in bed*

Him: Wanna fool around?

Me: *Doesn’t hear him because I’m tipping the cheetos bag directly into my mouth*


1,000 years after civilization falls alien archeologists will discover a single cell from the animating of sponge bob and assume that’s what life was like. So we have that going for us


Me: I’ve always been good at cosmetology. I have a nose for it.

Mortician: Please put that back.