@0hJuliette: Whenever a girl is talking too much, remind yourself that other thing she does with her mouth that you like so much. Might dull the pain ;)
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@LittleMissAngr1: I sexually identify as the foot of Cinderella's stepsister when it is being crammed into the glass slipper.
@robdelaney: Just saw the new Avengers & the audience went NUTS when Shrek showed up & saved the day.
@BuckyIsotope: All the toys under the tree Have now gone completely missing You’ve been hit by You’ve been struck by Reverse Santa Claus
@SmartassChef: Nothing freaks me out like when I'm ordering from a Chinese restaurant and I ask "What kind of meat is that?" and they answer "yes"