old man watching me duck to get off a bus in tokyo laughed and said ‘you are too tall for this you are like a big carrot’
guess i’m a roast carrot now
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I’m like HOLY CRAP I’M OUTSIDE.
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Did you know cats only meow to communicate with us? If they’re not raised around people they don’t do it. They are trying to make a human voice. Nice try cats, we don’t sound like that. Smh.
his palms are sweaty, knees weak, palms are sweaty. he forgot his lyrics already, palms are sweaty
I don’t smoke to be cool, I smoke so no one asks me to hold their baby.
I wouldn’t complain if I died, mostly because I’d be dead.
Me: Hope it’s ok if I sleep in the nude
Guy next to me on the plane: WTF dude?
Sister posted on FB: pray for me, I have a test tomorrow.
My comment: it’s cheating if Jesus helps you.
Solidifying my black sheep status
*stationary for 7 hours*
Me: “Actually, I’m not sure this is one of those driverless cars.”
Sites that are selling my tweets for money.1. Twitter2. FavStar3. Funny Tweeter <3 you guys!
Girl, tonight I’m gonna let my body do all the talking..
*squishes flab together to make a mouth out of my bellybutton* HELLOOO! LA LA LAA!