*lifts 10 pound weight*
*adds “salmon” to list of animals I could protect a woman from*
whenever i watch the tv show Friends, i imagine im the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him
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*gets ponytail caught in elevator door
*hands phone to stranger
“Hey, could you get a shot of this for me?”
No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation.
BOY: Bae, I know what will make you feel better
*opens casket to reveal PROM? spelled in carnations*
*boss trying to relate to younger employees*
“Excited for the weekend? I know I’ll be *looks down at Wikipedia print-out* Yoloing for sure!”
*two turtles strapping themselves to a sleeping cheetah*
Just you wait, Carl! This is gonna be awesome!
I hope that one day I am as fearless as a New York City Pigeon.
[holds out handful of sliced cheese]
pick a card
Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
I only have 4 months left on that mirror I broke in 2005.