I’m sorry if I always sound angry when I speak, but I’m a parent and I suffer from a condition called Resting Batman Voice.
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video games allow you to journey to wondrous locations straight out of your dreams such as: warehouse, sewer, and subway tunnel
Boss: ok just bear with me
*I growl and start clawing the air*
B: wtf are you doing
Me: I..You said..
B:first ‘snail mail’ now this..Just go
Sit in Starbucks and scream into your phone, “What we need is fresh screenwriting talent! An unknown! Where on earth can we find it?”
Secretary: Mr. Grey will see you now.
Anastasia Steele: I have a ridiculous name.
If I had a dollar for every time I was wrong, I’d be incredibly broke.
Ways to win my heart:
1) Be cute
2) Be kind
3) Be cheesecake
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Read It and Weep: A Book on How to Cry
As far as I’m concerned, anyone who suggests I should have a third child is committing a hate crime.