While I appreciate that you’re bringing sexy back, if we’re not also discussing who took sexy away, we’re only enabling future sexy problems

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Witnessing a person attempt to use a word that is beyond their comprehension is like watching a dog eat a bee.


To whoever lost their iPhone 11 Pro outside Target 30 minutes ago, please stop calling my new phone.


Did you know a tornado with no debris is called a naked twister?

Related: This evening is not going how I imagined.


I’m at a stage in life where I still want to be sexy but


I always watch Goldeneye before cooking a microwave meal…


I’ll apologize for last night right after you tell me which parts you still remember.


you mean to tell me Cameron Diaz dated The Mask AND Shrek? mmmk someone’s got a type


I bet the best massage in the world is getting attacked by a toothless shark.


“Where do babies comes from?”

Well, son, when a man and a woman love each other very much they make poor decisions.