@FU_Dad: Eminem: You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow Eminem’s Wife: I have a headache

@notseriouslyamy: I found $100 in my pocket this morning and almost quit my job

@RoosterMustache: Assert dominance over your boss by choosing an elevator button higher than the one he picked & act like its a big deal to wait for his floor

@aaronnemo: If I was ever on Jeopardy I would call Trebek the wrong name like I'd never heard of him. "I'll take Beauty Pageants for 400, Jason."

@EastonEnyart: 2 things I hate; 1)Hypocrites 2)and people who don't finish anyth