I just hope this Justin Bieber thing doesn’t make all yellow Lamborghini owners look bad.
Who called it an “insanity plea” and not a “loco motion”?
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[me narrating a documentary about grasshoppers]
And here we see these little liars hopping on sand.
TIP: Always carry a motorcycle helmet with u. Then u never have to do your hair & u can blame it on safety & the law & stuff.
For the record, riding my unicycle to the bank robbery was a terrible idea.
I’m great in bed; I can sleep for days.
replace the chair in the Oval Office w/slightly bigger chair every day for next 4 yrs til trump looks tiny + his feet don’t touch the ground
As I was driving, some stranger yelled “what’s your problem lady?”
So I was honest, I said I drink too much and I can’t stop eating chips.
A dashcam video of a cop lip-syncing and dancing to a Taylor Swift song went viral, which is just one more reason to hate the police.
Me: *Holding a fist full of lit sparklers* How much for the aggressive incense?
FWD: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: THE DOGS HAVE LEARNED HOW TO EMAIL THIS IS YOUR DOG HELLO SUSAN