@LoveNLunchmeat: Who knew a midlife crisis could have so few convertibles and so many cats?
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@SwedishCanary: Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across America join together to raise the country's obesity statistics.
@TheReal_AndyMac: Someone once asked me if I was drunk. I said yes. That was the shortest job interview I've ever had.
@thepunningman: A Starbucks was robbed at gunpoint this afternoon. The culprits are still at venti.