Xanax, keeping moms from dropping their kids off at an orphanage since 1981.
Who named it an army ant and not a combatant?
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*i drop my pen at work*
Guy who backpacked around Europe: that reminds me of this little village in the north of Romania
Overheard 10 plan her b-day party with her BFF, including renting several hotel rooms for a mega sleepover.
Somebody tell her, I can’t.
Me: He had short brown hair, a goatee, one earring…
Sketch artist: Are you just describing me?
Me: He had a sketch pad. Looked angry.
Life starts with everyone cheering when you poop and goes drastically down hill from there.
at my local diner ordering eggs “gorilla” style and refusing to explain further
Ghosts who are trying to quit smoking chew spirit gum
If you are on fire, my advice would be to get off fire.
the first rule of OCD club is that there must be a second rule so we have an even number of rules
If bed bugs are named because they are found in beds…how did cockroaches get their name?