@darksidedeb

Who named it an army ant and not a combatant?

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@NurseSeymour

Xanax, keeping moms from dropping their kids off at an orphanage since 1981.

@thedad

*i drop my pen at work*
Guy who backpacked around Europe: that reminds me of this little village in the north of Romania

@Scimommy

Overheard 10 plan her b-day party with her BFF, including renting several hotel rooms for a mega sleepover.

Somebody tell her, I can’t.

@Darlainky

Me: He had short brown hair, a goatee, one earring…

Sketch artist: Are you just describing me?

Me: He had a sketch pad. Looked angry.

@CruisinSoozan

Life starts with everyone cheering when you poop and goes drastically down hill from there.

@murrman5

at my local diner ordering eggs “gorilla” style and refusing to explain further

@Fred_Delicious

the first rule of OCD club is that there must be a second rule so we have an even number of rules

@JocMaxedOut

If bed bugs are named because they are found in beds…how did cockroaches get their name?