Whoever put the ‘b’ in subtle was a clever bastard.
![]()
You Might Also Like
Fact: mongooses are super fast and agile and are well known to be dangerous to cobra kai students.
I may not be able to out run the zombies when they come, but this cheeseburger is going to make me taste great
Me: I’m shy
Tequila: Not anymore
Remember, Kids… If you can’t say anything nice, well, it’s probably hilarious and worth getting into trouble over anyway.
I’ve lost my boyfriend! He’s in one of these browser tabs, somewhere.
Cashier holds up a bottle of herbal spray for hot flashes “you sure you want this it’s twelve dollars” YES I WANT IT AND I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT
How to kill a spider: get a piece of tissue paper, approach it slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down.
All I said was, Even those starving kids in Africa wouldn’t eat your cooking and my wifes foot became Mayor of my ass on Foursquare.
If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.
I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.
As your goth personal trainer, I urge you to stay in shape so that you can outrun your haunted past.
Sermons in 10 minutes or less or you go to Heaven for FREE!!
I got the words yakuza and jacuzzi confused the other day.
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
My wife is constantly hiding things where they belong.
the three best gummy flavors, together at last
![]()
Would you wear it?
![]()
*switches the place cards so I’m sitting next to the mashed potatoes*
BREAKING NEWS: 23 injured while running with bulls. Authorities say injuries happened because folks were stupid enough to run… with bulls.
Wearing a pretty new bra today that nobody else is gonna see, so everytime I go to the bathroom, I flash myself in the mirror.
Police: Cover me
Rookie: ok [pulls out guitar] Every little thing she does is magic
I have been successfully sitting in chairs for over 40 years without falling off–a skill I apparently didn’t pass on to my boys.
Literally any podcast host asking their guest a question
GYM INSTRUCTOR: …and over here are the free weights.
ME: *shoving weights in my pockets* Fantastic.
OPEN UP. THIS IS THE POLICE. THANK YOU. CAN WE USE YOUR BATHROOM
*Dressing up like a School Lice Outbreak Notice for Halloween*
I’m sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice. My gondolences.
– “… He accidentally drank some radioactive milk and became_
– MILKMAN!!
– No. He became gravely ill and died. What are you? An idiot?!”
When a mom hears the words
“Mom, don’t be mad…”
We either think you spilled your drink or committed armed robbery, there is no in between.
Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.