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@JimmerThatisAll: Why are Diva Cups only for women why can’t I win one.
@jazmasta: [speaking to an attractive lady] "How can a beautiful girl like you be single?!"
"Dave, I literally dumped you 5 minutes ago. Please leave"
@_xLNc: I always have too much month left at the end of my money.
@SCBamaMan: AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
@just1fool: Whoever called it getting drunk and not grunk detting just didn't get it.
@goodbeanalt: my brain: knows jfc stands for Jesus Fricking Christ
also my brain: John F. Cennedy
ALSO my brain: Jentucky Fried Chicken