Why are top brands getting more attention while your unique, innovative ideas stay underrated? Here is some #ThursdayAdwisdom. The truth is that you may be missing out on one of the most fundamental rules of selling – grabbing consumer’s interest. #digitalmarketing
*trying to remember something*
brain: put your hands on hips
People who don’t follow you but comment on tweets with ridiculously stupid opinions are just hecklers with all the charm of a pedophile.
one time in high school I wanted to signal to a friend that I really, really liked him, so I began referring to him as my esteemed colleague
Incredible customer service.
CarefulWhere’s your shoesPlease stop cryingMaybe eat somethingYou dropped the bottle- things you say to babies & drunks.
i hate people that say “it’s too early to be eating that” WHAT TIME DO A STOMACH OPEN?
Keep your friends close and a bag of chips closer.
When my wife asks me to do that one thing in the bedroom that she really likes, she’s talking about vacuuming.
How about the No Bucket Challenge? Basically you just give a charity some money and don’t tell anyone about it.
male coworker: how’s it hanging?
me: loose and to the left
him:
me: you’re not going to ask me that again, are you?
him: not a chance
*goes to bathroom
*takes out phone
*opens Twitter
*finishes
*pulls pants up
*flushes
*forgets to poop
I want to see a combination celebrity chef and magician. Like when they put it in the oven it was baked risotto but when they take it out of the oven it’s corn dogs.
I’m not gonna wear uggs or crocs or any other shoe that sounds like a noise my body makes involuntarily.
Interviewer: what did you bring to the table
Me: in my last job I brought a lot of enthusia-
Interviewer: no what did you just put on my desk
Me: u mean my toad
How’s adulting going for me today u ask?
Well,I just spend 20 minutes looking for my phone in my car
While using my phone as a flashlight.
This made me chuckle.
All-day Christmas music at work, day 4:
Just Googled “Candy cane prison shank”
I suppose in many ways we are all on our fifth attempt to open a dinosaur amusement park.
In high school we had a thing called Ethics Day put on by Chick-Fil-A where they would give out coupons for free chicken sandwiches. My friends and I found the book of all the coupons and stole it. The devils of Ethics Day.
bros in the example zone 😭
Hung my Christmas lights on the house across the street so I can see them.
The way I see it, your dress automatically has two pockets as long as you’re wearing a bra.
Date: Are you winking or blinking?
Cyclops: I do not know.
People that tell us what sex gods they are..what do you want us to do with that information?
BOWIE: We can be heroes.
ME: omg, yay.
BOWIE: Just for one day.
ME: I actua—I think it’s gonna take longer than that.
BOWIE: We can be heroes.
ME: No, I get that. It’s jus—it’s a length issue.
BOWIE: Forever and ever.
ME: I don’t…*rubbing temples* something between those, maybe?
when guys on dating apps ask me who my favourite philosopher is i make up a random german sounding name. half of the time they “oh yeah i’ve read some of his stuff”
“I was thinking of all the shit I hate, so I made a list of all the shit I hate”
*notices you don’t care
*adds you to list of shit I hate
WIFE: *spells out words so the kids won’t know what she is saying*
ME: [to the kids] I don’t know either.
The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again
