There’s a job in the paper for a park litter attendant. Experience is not necessary, you just pick it up as you go along.
Why did the man with no hands go to the doctor?
Because he didn’t feel well.
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me: what’s your type?
her: I like a man who doesn’t get jealous
me: WHO IS HE
Nigerian man dies and authorities find $27 billion dollars in his apartment
He had been trying to give it away for 15 years but nobody would return his emails
Person: *falls in love with me*
Me: I have felt bad for a spoon I accidentally threw away because it probably thinks I don’t want it anymore and, why is it the only spoon the in the trash.
Person: ok cool, never mind.
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it’s my fault.
Priest: I wonder what ignited the Notre-Dame cathedral fire?
Quasimodo: I have a hunch.
Priest: it’s always about you, isn’t it?
Now that Fox News is 18 can we send it to Iraq?
In a parallel universe, Two bars walk into a man.
Imagine the havoc if raccoons could fly. Rotund shadows grow larger over a pizza guy moments before he’s swarmed by snarling, handsy demons.