couple weeks ago I saw a drunk guy in the crowd at a baseball game enthusiastically chanting “baseball game!” I think about him every day
Why do authors subtitle their books, “A Novel”. Did someone look at their book one day and say “I thought this was a sandwich?”
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I’m sorry I don’t speak any English
-me when someone starts talking to me
Her: Nice to meet you.
Me: You don’t even really know that.
Her: It’s an expression.
Me: It’s rather presumptuous.
Her: You know what, I’m sorry I met you.
Me: See what I mean?
Before kids: “I will make everything from scratch. We’ll be so healthy.”
After kids: “Someone bring me my binder of takeout menus.”
Me: Will you-
Me: Can you-
Me: Are you-
Hubs: Oh no
Me: Oh hell no…..
Communication is important.
If watching 80’s music videos has taught me anything, it’s that you don’t need talent if you have a fog machine.
Britney Spears’ Slave 4 U is trending on Christmas Eve just like it did that magical night in Bethlehem thousands of years ago. God bless everyone.
teacher: what do you want to be when you grow up
teacher: [on phone] we need to talk about your son’s unrealistic expectations
Leaving the group chat so I can focus on my responsibilities as a Shark Tank subbreddit moderator .