@birbigs: Why does Garfield hate Mondays? He doesn't have a job.
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@McGrumpenstein: *limping in, covered in makeshift bandages* Wife: Ready to admit that a puma does not make a good housecat? Me: He's just lonely. We need another puma.
@MomOfTeen: My reactions 1st child's problems: I WILL fix this!! 2nd child's problems: Let me know if you need help. 3rd child's problems: Good luck.
@IchBin_Rob: [At a Christening] Priest: I now pronounce you Chris and Chris. You may kiss the Chris. Guests: *chanting* Chris Chris Chris.
@LuvPug: If you have to ask me if I want more cheese I'm just gonna assume you were dropped on your head as an adult.