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@birbigs: Why does Garfield hate Mondays? He doesn't have a job.
@Marlebean: The biggest threat of punishment for my daughter is saying I'll pick out her clothes for school.
@DaddyJew: Sorry I ruined your surprise party by telling everyone it was an intervention
@JediGigi: "JELLYFISH ARE NOT MADE OF JELLY AND ALSO THEY ARE NOT VERY NICE!"--I scream from my swollen mouth
@ElizaBayne: Shark Week is just another made up holiday to sell more sharks
@ItsAndyRyan: Convince neighbours you're shrinking by walking past their window with progressively larger jars of hellmann's mayonnaise.