@IamEnidColeslaw

WHY DOES THIS BOTTLE OF BODY WASH HAVE DIRECTIONS PRINTED ON IT

You Might Also Like

@XAIMMadellynne

Was looking at smoking pipes on Amazon & realized that CW could look at my history.So,I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.

@AndyJokedAgain

ROLLERCOASTER ATTENDANT: Please remain seated in the cars. No standing.
ME (already decapitated):

@carlyken

I’m no socialist but I do believe everyone is born with an inherent right to as many dipping sauces for their mcnuggets as they want.

@scenesfromahat

As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.

@LoveNLunchmeat

STOP ACTING LIKE THIS GROCERY STORE GIFT CARD ISN’T ROMANTIC. WHO DOESN’T LIKE FOOD?

@moose_chocolate

The E. coli in the city water supply means I am just one glass away from my goal weight.

@AristotlesNZ

We need a weapon that hits something only hard enough to really annoy it, then turns back around & attacks us! -Inventor of the Boomerang.

@Mindless4Miles

I said I was thinking about you. I left out the part with the wood chipper.