@IamEnidColeslaw: WHY DOES THIS BOTTLE OF BODY WASH HAVE DIRECTIONS PRINTED ON IT
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@david8hughes: There are poor, helpless kids in Africa who really need our help. But there's also kids with machine guns so I'm not going.
@crunkdumpster: Ok so for next Halloween ill be mozart. "I'll be beethoven!" Yeah okay, calm down sally. So Mr. Terminator who will you be? "I'LL BE BACH."
@ArfMeasures: Wife: You should've written your best man speech Me: Relax I can freestyle [Wedding] Me: On Dave and Sarah's big day, I'd like to Dave *whispers in my ear* Me: On Dave and Rebecca's big day