@hurlarious

Why doesn’t every mistake in real life I make have a squiggly red line underneath it?

You Might Also Like

@MelvinofYork

Russel Crowe is my favorite actor named after a misspelled bird but Ethan Hawke is a close second

@Tmoney68

*playing with a ouija board at a cocktail party*

Me: Is anyone here with us?

T E L L T H E S E P E O P L E T O
U S E A C O A S T E R

M: Oh my god! Mom!

@lmwortho

I’m pretty sure this happened to the dinosaurs.

@fro_vo

Mom: if all your friends jumped off a bridge would you jump too
Me: no
Mom: how about 1 friend
Me: what
Mom: ok no friends & a ride there

@jrza84

I guess knocking on random dressing room doors in a department store and asking “hey, can I see how you look?” is frowned upon.

@distracdad

Paper plates were invented by a guy whose wife asked him to do the dishes once.

@Marcmywords2

The family you’ve pictured in your mind, is never the one that shows up at the BBQ.

@mommajessiec

Hear me out, a Barbie whose hair color changes to gray everytime a child screams.

@TeflonPawn

By the power vested in me by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.

@decentbirthday

Buddha: all life is suffering

Me: alright dude, chill out. they said your food would be out in ten minutes