@WilliamRodgers

“Why have a ballroom, with no Balls?”

-Disney’s Frozen

I paused the movie to tweet this…

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@1Happytwit

My ex told me that Gaga’s “Bad Romance” song reminds him of me. Now I’m glad I dumped him. What sort of idiot admits to listening to Gaga.

@CulturedRuffian

Don’t worry little groundhog, when I stick my head outside and see what’s going on in the world today I run back inside and hide too.

@Book_Krazy

Seems like everybody is wishing to find that special someone in their life, and I’m just over here wishing I could eat without getting fat

@IamEveryDayPpl

I didn’t mean to knock your toddler down at the mall today…

I just wanted to be first on Santa’s lap before he got peed on.

@aaroncoal

I always keep gluten next to my bed in case a hipster breaks into my house in the middle of the night.

@sixfootcandy

*knocks over a huge display at the grocery store*

(raises arms in the air)

Ta-da!

@donni

Smile for the camera. Laugh for the pencil sharpener. Dance for the refrigerator

@MdUNH

*hires skywriter*

$1 MILLION DOLLARS OR I SKYWRITE GAME OF THRONES SPOILERS!