@Tups13

Why is it called a broken pelvis and not a hipwreck?

Why is it called a broken pelvis and not a hipwreck?

- @Tups13

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@BeagirlNJ

Just shoveled for 30 minutes so the pizza guy could deliver my food

Priorities

@Jenny4ashley

Am I relying on you to cover up all these blood stains after murdering my ex?

BLEACH I MIGHT BE

@electrolemon

why did double and triple dog dares go of out style. it’s win-win. you either see your friends do stupid things or you win two to three dogs

@thestlouisan

My grandpa slept in snow in the Battle of the Bulge
& I’m considering throwing out this cup of water bc it has some tiny floaty things in it

@Naked_Superman

Dentist: Did you deliberately loosen this tooth?

Me: Why would I do that?

D: ok…[extracts tooth & hands me a lolly]

Me: *winks at camera*

@chewlongkok_

Me: C’mon, baby. Just the tip?

Her: No!

Me: Awww, cmon!

Her: No, you’re paying the whole bill this time.

@HatfieldAnne

Admit it, no one really knows how to use the memory function on a calculator. We’re all just too embarrassed to ask now.

@PyrBliss

People who still say ‘YOLO’ only deserve to live once anyway.

@ShtFatGirlsSay

Doctors say eating a piece of Bacon takes 9 mins off your life…if my math is correct i died in 1781