@McGrumpenstein: why isn't there a shovelling event in the winter olympics
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@tastefactory: [robbers outside bank] When I said get some masks I meant something creepy like wolf masks "But can't u feel your pores really opening up?"
@TheBoydP: Protip: Never take your wife with you to your annual checkup. She will tell the doctor way too much about you.
@ChaseMit: America's national mascot should just be a drunk white girl typing on a shattered iPhone.