@McGrumpenstein: why isn't there a shovelling event in the winter olympics
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@CatsVsHumanity: Facebook: Look at my perfect life Instagram: Validate me harder Twitter: Does this look infected?
@WheelTod: Julian Assange became a role model for hackers worldwide by crashing at a friend's place indefinitely & never paying his share of any bills.
@Reverend_Scott: [guy in dark alley] Psst. Hey, lady... *opens trench coat* CHECK OUT- *dozens of bibles fall out* -our Lord and savior Jesus Christ
@LizHackett: People say "If you want loyalty, get a dog," but my dog would abandon me in a dark alley for a pizza crust, so maybe loyalty has layers.