The only way I’m coming to your wedding is if YOU get ME a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
Why just pufferfish? Why not other pufferanimals?
Why not a pufferpuma?
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I told you these spanx were too tight.
Obviously you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the meaning of ignorance!
Holy shit, remember rhymes with September. If no one thought about putting that in a song, I’m gonna be rich.
“Daddy will u tuck me in?:)”
*tucks him in*
“Daddy sing me a song:)”
LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES H
Celery is just spoons for people so hungry they’d eat their spoons
Live, Laugh, Love
Leer, Lunge, Lactate
Do things that start with L
Parenting tip: If your kids are fighting in the back seat of the car, stick your arm over and swing it around a bunch. That’ll show em’.
I’m literally crying
My dog and I are just drivin around, listenin to music and OMG DOG DO YOU EVEN HAVE A LICENSE? PAWS AT 10 AND 2. DO NOT FOLLOW THAT SQUIRREL