@TheMichaelRock

Why would they add “twerk” to the dictionary? People that would use said word can’t read.

You Might Also Like

@better_off_dad2

Not to brag…

… but practically all of my arrest warrants are considered ‘outstanding’.

@ScratchPaper8

Kinda pissed that I have to take my dog to the vet and not the dogtor.

@Chhapiness

Walked by a group of dad at a barbecue and now I’m an expert on property taxes

@mstluvstrinkets

People dating on the internet have it so easy. Back in my day, a man would walk uphill both ways in the snow to disappoint a woman.

@JBusch260

“Would you just look at all this bullshit?!” – enthusiastic fertilizer suppliers

@bacon_gillepic

What if archeologists just matched the wrong bones and the t-Rex actually had super long arms

@leobunty

assert dominance by taking too many selfies on someone else’s phone

@freedom2726

No. YOU misunderstood. I said I’ve been doing this for awhile. I never said I was any good at it.

@Cheeseboy22

I went to a wildlife rehabilitation center today and none of the animals were still doing drugs. A massive success!