@daddydoubts

Wife: can you please rinse your hair off the soap?

Me: that’s not my hair.

Wife: then who’s hair is it?

Me: omg it’s a full moon.

Wife: so?

Me: *whispers* weresoap.

You Might Also Like

@ClichedOut

*getting murdered*

Me: *pointing to murderer’s t-shirt* Ha ha, you went to a Justin Bieber concert

@mommajessiec

16 yo me: *about to take math final* You got this.

26 yo me: *about to run a marathon* You got this.

36 yo me: *about to start a movie after 8pm* You got this.

@tastefactory

“It’s gonna taste really good.” – excerpt from the guide What To Expect When You’re Expecting Pizza

@ZaraEatWorld

I missed going to the gym today.

So that’s 20 years in a row now.

@VapingSonic

My favorite Bible story is the one where thousands more people show up to Jesus’ party than RSVP’d but he still had enough cake for everyone

@trouteyes

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?
No mate, sounds shit.

@threetimedaddy

6 year old was FaceTiming a friend today and between the giggling and jumping around she went for a poop and stayed on the call throughout. And if I’m honest, out of my wife’s many talents I didn’t expect her to pass that one down