Wife: He’s always rewriting the past..

Therapist: is this true?

Me: [doesn’t hear because I’m typing ‘Shrek killed Hitler’ into Wikipedia]

You Might Also Like


Police on bikes arresting someone:

“You’re under arrest. Get in the basket”


These people on Hoarders knew a camera crew was coming. You’d think they’d tidy up a bit.


Hiring recent college grads

5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and superpowers.


why do parents get mad when u sleep all day like im staying out of trouble and im not spending your money like what is the issue here


[mattress store]
Me: bet u get a lot of losers asking which ones are piss proof huh
Clerk: not really
Me: what would u recommend to them tho


Black girls twerk, Hispanic girls hip roll, Indian girls belly dance & white girls watch.