God: you’ll protect your kids by carrying them 3,000 miles to keep them warm
Penguin: got it
God: you get pouches to keep ‘em safe & so they never get lost
Kangaroo: Love it
God: when they get too big just throw them out & hope for the best
Bird: wait, what?
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[Advert for hiking]
Do you hate walking? Would you like to hate it even more?
All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
Cashier: Will that be all?
Me: No. I’m getting everything like an easter egg hunt, I just wanted to show you what I’ve got so far.
Establish dominance by licking the spoon and then putting it back in the mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner.
*gets out of the pool*
*gets into another pool but it’s full of rice so i can dry off*
Dating tip: don’t mention your time as a Boy Scout, let your sash full of badges do the talkin.
If you love someone, let them go.
If they don’t come back, get a dog.
“You’re just not enlightened enough to understand the beauty of polyamoury!”
And you’re not enlightened enough to understand just how much people in general annoy TF out of me.
How are you feeling?
*board begins spelling*
What the!? A cheesy board!?