John: There are places…
Paul: I remember
George: All my life, though…
Ringo: How can antibiotics and pro-biotics both be good for you
WIFE: I don’t like pre Christmas, mainly because I’m so bad at buying presents.
ME: You just put them on the counter and give the checkout person money, Sharon.
HER: I hate you.
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If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea…
My 4 year old and I are having an argument. I’m telling him that he is making me late for work and he’s telling me that he is Batman.
(Going to Wife’s Work Party)
WIFE: Don’t just be quiet like last time.
(Later at Dinner)
ME: Did you know marsupials are not a kind of soup?
Your baby is cute but terrible at helping me move.
If you post a picture of your kids today, you have to write, “thankful for my little turkeys.” I don’t make the rules.
*Sees someone tying a yellow ribbon around a tree*
Me: Oh dang, Groot knows karate
There’s no “u” in employee. You’re fired.
Yes, 911, that guy just fed my house letters again.