@Rockenden: To the first designer to make skirts so tight that a slit had to be added to the back: Good job. Flip flop guy: Go stand in the corner.

@lilghosthands: every morning I ask the dog "the usual?" before pouring her food into her bowl & neither of us thinks it's funny but that's showbiz baby

@iamspacegirl: *makes graveyard even scarier by carving all the tombstones into shark fins*

@mommajessiec: Husband: *leaves to run an errand* Me: *crosses out “get husband to leave” off to-do list*

@brittwastaken: I just tried on bathing suits and now I have to burn this fitting room down so it can never hurt anyone again