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@FU_TangClan: Wife: the baby needs changing
Me: I don’t know, I kinda like her
@brianbowman73: I was once put in the 'friend zone," but with perseverance that all changed. I'm now in the 'must stay 200 yards away at all times zone.'
@rickolantern: My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing.
But I mean, 41 years, still alive. I kinda got it.
@junejuly12: To the woman who just honked at me to leave this parking spot, I suddenly have dozens of urgent emails to respond to.
@murrman5: since you're having surgery tomorrow, get here early and remember no eating after midnight
"because of nausea?"
no, because you're a gremlin
@trymeagain41: You’re 40, if I see one more animal filter selfie... I am calling the damn pound.