Wife: You’re not using the instructions to build the bookcase?

Husband: Nope, I’m doing it entirely shelf-taught, haha

Wife: *eyes fixate on hammer*

You Might Also Like


Executioner: Any last words?
Me: Sparn
Executioner: Ok [throws switch] Wait, what does that mean


piñata: harder daddy

me: [lifts blindfold] what

piñata: let me wear the blindfold


The first guy to ever throw water at girl in a white shirt probably broke the record for the number of high-fives received in one minute.


Overheard at work: “that is music to my ears”. Where else would the music go smartypants?


[lying in bed after sex]

Sorry for all the screaming, I’m afraid of the dark


If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you have extremely good judgement.


According to this bathroom stall, my ex changed her number again.


If ur a guy riding on a motorcycle with another guy, it’s best to sit facing each other. 1 man mounted behind another that just looks bad


Moaning Myrtle haunting the bathroom but it’s just me after eating Taco Bell.