Executioner: Any last words?
Executioner: Ok [throws switch] Wait, what does that mean
Executioner: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN GOD DAMN IT
Wife: You’re not using the instructions to build the bookcase?
Husband: Nope, I’m doing it entirely shelf-taught, haha
Wife: *eyes fixate on hammer*
You Might Also Like
piñata: harder daddy
me: [lifts blindfold] what
piñata: let me wear the blindfold
The first guy to ever throw water at girl in a white shirt probably broke the record for the number of high-fives received in one minute.
Overheard at work: “that is music to my ears”. Where else would the music go smartypants?
i get in my bubble bath with clenched fists to make me look more manly
[lying in bed after sex]
Sorry for all the screaming, I’m afraid of the dark
If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you have extremely good judgement.
According to this bathroom stall, my ex changed her number again.
If ur a guy riding on a motorcycle with another guy, it’s best to sit facing each other. 1 man mounted behind another that just looks bad
Moaning Myrtle haunting the bathroom but it’s just me after eating Taco Bell.