[barbarians at the gate]
Me: I just need to let this song finish…
Wife: You’re so predictable
Me: Yeah? I bet u didn’t see this coming
*I go to throw water on her but shes already wearing a poncho*
You Might Also Like
If you think it hurts to lose a boyfriend/girlfriend, you’ve clearly never lost close to 500 GB’s worth of data on your hard drive.
I hate when people ask me HOW I am doing as if I KNOW THE ANSWER?!
TENNIS BOYFRIEND: You deserve love
TENNIS GIRLFRIEND: That’s so mean
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn’t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
My ex GF turned out to be anorexic. Gradually I just saw less and less of her.
[checks Facebook & sees my 4th grade girlfriend has liked my hot chocolate recipe share]
ME: I knew she’d come crawling back to me one day
I remember the first time I saw my girlfriend, her hair was blowing in the wind, but she was too proud to run after it.
Woman on bus just pulled her mask down to cough.